• Coach Shonda McCray


As earlier stated, I didn’t know how to get the help I needed to overcome the pressure I was under. I felt like I was suffocating but didn’t know how to get out and grab the help I needed. But thank God, I was able to overcome it. So, if you are there feeling scared and unable to boldly come out of a toxic situation, I will share some of the tips that helped me scale through toxic times in my life.

1. Pray and take time to seek God’s face: You need to talk to God about what you are facing in this relationship. You need to seek His will in all you do and let Him direct your path. God will give you the wisdom you need when you ask Him. He gave me hope and wisdom in my darkest hour and showed me that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Have a Heart-to-Heart Surgery Through Open Communication: Open communication is an open surgery on the heart, and it exposes the issue(s). Make time with your partner to sit and discuss to discuss if you feel safe. I know the other person may want to play the guilt card, but a mature partner who is intentional about your relationship will take you seriously. Ask questions like, “what role do I play in all of this? How do I affect this person in my life? Do I live up to the promises that I made you? Do I have a suffocating presence on you?” or “How can I help my partner become more of what God has called them to do?” Kurt and I are always communicating to ensure that we are both happy and in line with the promises we made to God and to one another.

3. Try Mutual Respect: Solid relationships are built on respect. Respect for the feelings of the other person. Respect for the gifts and the talents of the other person. Respect the other person’s thoughts, opinions, ideas, freedom, and boundaries. Ask yourself, “how am I with this person? How much do I value my spouse? How much does my spouse value me?” Listen, my husband is my biggest cheerleader and vice versa. We at times miss the mark like many couples but we communicate a lot. I've always vowed to honor him, respect him, and love him to the best of my ability.

4. Engage in Patient Hope: Love is patient and kind. Patience is an attribute of love. It would help if you showed endurance and perseverance so that things may turn out right. You need to believe that things will change for good.

5. Know the Stuff you’re made of: You are created for so much more! Understand your life is not fashioned as a second thought. Know how much value God has placed in your life. He wants the best for you. He has made you for so much more. You need to believe this. You need to free up your mind from the negativities that hold you bound in slavery. You are in CONTROL of your life...

6. Take some time out: When the pressure gets out of hand, give yourselves a break. When he/she becomes violent, take some time out. You’re responsible for your safety. Do not remain under the bondage of an unchanging man/woman. Do not hide in fear but come out in boldness and faith. Remember you are in CONTROL of your life...

7. Talk to a Professional: Engage the gift of counsel in your trying time. Talk to people with the expertise to handle human psychology and give you the advice that will change your life. You need them to guide you through the most difficult times you will face in that relationship.

Be careful with getting counsel from those close to you that are spiritual leaders. Sometimes, the best counsel is from someone who doesn’t have any personal affiliation with you or your spouse. Going to a minister that knows you both could cause conflict rather you want to believe me or not. I've seen it!!

If you recall in my book, God put me in the hands of a counselor who I did not know. She chopped me up and spit me out during our sessions. But honey, she helped me more than anyone in my life. If it wasn't for the Lord sending her to me!!! I would still be a hot angry mess...

I told her things that I was too ashamed to say out loud. However, she NEVER judged me. My spiritual counselor didn't know anyone in my circle. I didn't have to worry about what we discussed getting leaked out to people in the ministry. (You get where I am going???). I digress!

8. Have a team of support Systems: Your friends and family members are important to you in this trying time. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you and want your best interest. They will give you the moral support you need and help you get through the depressing situation you face. According to psychologist Kristine Fuller, you need the right support to stick to a healthy decision. Likewise, you need the right people to help you pray through tough situations. If you do not have prayer warriors standing with you, then you might need to find a new tribe 😊. I am just the messenger!

9. Know that this is a journey. Your miracle may not happen immediately. That’s why you need to walk in faith and trust in the word of God. You must hold on because the world around you is waiting for your manifestation. They are waiting for the outpouring of the gifts that are inside of you.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

If the lord rescued me then he will rescue you also. Don't give up on yourself...

I hope that you've enjoyed this week's journal entry and you will return next week for my closing remarks on Marriage Slavery. If you are in an abusive relationship, please know that there is help to aid you 24 hours a day. No need to be ashamed. National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 Thank you for reading. © I am Coach Shonda Disclaimer: If you're reposting my blogs, please tag me and or mention me as the author on social media or any other platforms. All blogs are copyrighted by the U.S. Copyright Office. Please by all means share, but put some respect on my name.


Recent Posts

See All